Saturday 30 April 2011

Perogies? Gyoza? Pergyozies?

What to do with a pile of wonton wrappers when one has had prawntons too many times recently.
Hmm...

Ooh!
I know.
Perogies sort of!

The great thing about wonton wrappers, one of the great things, is that you can put whatever the hell you want inside them and cook them pretty much however you like.

I have a bunch of potatoes lying around, so I figure I ought to find somewhere to stick 'em.

A good guideline for making a filling, be it for perogies, wontons, ravioli, or whatever, is to make something where the shape and portion size is easily manipulated.
For a lot of fillings, I'll make a puree; since I'm using potato, the choice to mash seems pretty fucking obvious.

I'm using 5 medium sized Yukon gold potatoes for this recipe. There are all kinds of potatoes, with all sorts of different flavour and starch profiles, but I find the Yukon gold to be the best all-round potato - it mashes nicely, roasts great, and even works for fries.

When it comes to mashed potatoes I prefer more of a smashed potato. Time was when every mash I'd find at a restaurant would be nice, white, strained, fucking baby food purees, but that's not for me, and you don't see it as much in restaurants any more either.
I like to have some texture to my food. I have teeth and I like fucking using 'em. When I'm crapping my pants in a wheelchair in some state-funded nursing home complaining about the weather and every fucking other thing, then and only then do I want fucking potatoes I can chew with my tongue (and I'll still bitch about it).

At this point you may be realizing that the key to the recipe is good mash. Hell, the key to a lot of meals is good fucking mash. My childhood was full of shitty, gluey garbage mashed potatoes that were either put on the table to show off the good serving dish or as some cruel culinary joke.

You all know these potatoes. Someone in your family makes them and is prouder than shit of their sticky pile of crap.

Boiling potatoes smashing 'em up and then grabbing the skim milk and margarine from the fridge to "cream" 'em does not mashed potatoes make.
Shit.
It's shit.
You just made shit.
I make shit after I eat my potatoes, not as I'm making them.
I don't eat my shit. You shouldn't eat shit.

Great mashed potatoes are simple, and I offer you the number one key to fluffy and delicious potatoes:

hot liquid.

Yes, that's right, hot liquid is all it takes. No matter what your liquid of choice, be it cream, meat stock, or my usual choice of veg stock, make sure that you've got it warming on a back burner (or the fucking front if you like) for when you want to do your smashin'.

You can boil or steam your taters; whichever you prefer.
Steaming is faster.
Either way you want to avoid overcooking them; but, you've got a pretty decent margin for error when it comes to potatoes. I like to take them off the heat when they are just soft enough to fall off the fork. This way they still have some toothiness to them, but feel free to cook them a bit longer if you like a smoother mash.

There's lots of ways to make mash from this point. Some chefs like to reserve some of the potato water to add to the mash - I don't know why; there's plenty of better things to add.
I use homemade vegetable stock. It doesn't add the richness of the traditional cream and butter approach, but the flavour is great, and it cuts the calories in half. Adding flavour with fat is great, don't get me wrong, but it very often isn't necessary and I try to avoid it.
Also, we're making perogyoza; there'll be opportunity a-plenty to add calories with the sauce should you so desire.

If you're a mammal muncher you can substitute cow stock; the gelatinous taste and texture of torture appeals to some. Bird stock works too.

Anyhow, off the soapbox and back to the stovetop.
Add the liquid to your smashed potatoes in small amounts; you don't want to add too much liquid or you'll end up making potato soup - while delicious, it is pretty difficult to work with as a filling.

Stop adding liquid when the potatoes reach a consistency you recognize as mashed. Don't know that consistency?
Really?
Well, try out this recipe. If it doesn't work due to potato mush running everywhere, use less liquid next time. If it doesn't work due to flaky, dry tasting potatoes, use more liquid.
If it works, well, it fucking worked, didn't it.
Generally speaking, if you can spoon off a chunk that will hold its shape long enough to be wrapped, you did alright.

This is the point where your potatoes are going to move from simple mash to superhappyfuntimes stuffing for your wonton thingies.

Here's what I add to my 5 medium potato mash:

(all measurements are approximate and should not be followed too closely - use your tongue and your judgment)


2 tbsp garlic scape (chives make a reasonable substitution - sort of)
1/4 preserved lemon, minced
1/2 red onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
Salt & Pepper to taste
Cheese, about 100g, shredded - I used a rather disappointing jalapeno havarti. If there had been cheddar in my fridge, I would have used that. Cream cheese would be awesome too!

Throw the whole wack in a bowl, potatoes included and mix.
There you have it. You've made wonton/perogy filling.
Easy, right?
Right.

Now for sticking it where it belongs.

Buy some wonton wrappers. Or, make them; making them is a huge hassle where the reward doesn't really justify the effort.
Just buy them. It's easy, and they won't be fucked up like the ones you tried to make.

You're gonna need an egg. The egg is gonna be your glue.
You actually only need the yolk, so go ask your grocer for some eggs that are just yolks.
Bring a video camera to record her stupefied expression.
So, separate one egg yolk from the rest of the egg.
How?
Well, you can glop the yolk back and forth between the two shell halves until you're left with merely yolk, or, my preferred method, you can just crack the egg into your hand and let the egg white run off through your fingers. Do it over a bowl if you want to conserve the white, over the sink if ya don't.

Smash the yolk in a little dish.
Get your filling and wrappers ready.

Now, there are a shittonne of ways you can stuff a wonton wrapper. I'm using square wrappers, so rectangles or triangles are the best options.
Let's do rectangles. Or, we can make Xtreme Wrecktangles.

Right.
Rectangles, then. Like this:


 Note the bit of yellow covering half of the perimeter of the wonton wrapper. That's your smashed egg yolk. It's like glue, you'll see.
If you've got kids, this part can make for some good family bonding. I love stuffing wrappers, and kids like to help.
Throw a bit around. Get it in your hair. It'll be fun.
Make someone else clean it up and keep rollin'.

Slap a small spoonful of your filling right smack in the middle of your wrapper thusly:

Huhcha!

Now fold that shit over so it looks like this:

Nice package.

It's pretty important at this stage to make sure that your package is sealed. The corners where you folded it over are the most likely spot for leaks.
Why is this important?
Well, if you're going to throw these little fuckers in hot water, and you just might, any gaps in the seal allow water in and filling out.
These are both things you don't want.
If you're going to bake or pan fry the cocksuckers then sealing isn't such a big deal; water won't get in to wreck your shit, but you might lose some filling. Getting in the habit of making good seals doesn't hurt.

So there you go - little fucking perogyoza.

As you may have gathered, you can pretty much cook them however the fuck you want. Here's the options I can think of presently:
Bake - put them all on an oiled sheet pan and brush them with oil. Cook in a hot oven (375F) until nicely browned - 15-20 minutes.
Fry - frying pan medium high with vegetable oil. Cook each side until browned - about 2 minutes per side. This is the fast but boring way.
Boil - throw them in boiling water and take them out when they float. You can eat them just like that, but I won't.
The PEROGYOZA way - boil, as above, and set aside. You may want to pat them down with a kitchen towel to remove some of the water. You're about to put them in hot oil. Water and hot oil makes for a very exciting mix. So pat them dry.
Now heat veg oil in a pan on medium heat. Throw in your perogyoza and cook ON ONE SIDE ONLY. Yup, one side only. This is the part that makes 'em like gyoza, and makes them fun to eat.
What you're left with is a little pocket of awesomeness that is sticky and soft on one side and crispy on the other.
Perfect.

 As for saucing the little bastards, you can use whatever you like that you think would go with potatoes.
Use fucking gravy if you like.
Tomato sauce would be nice.
Cream sauce maybe?
Seriously, use whatever you like.

Here's what I did this time:

I threw some onions in a medium-low pan with a bit of olive oil and S&P to caramelize. As they browned I tossed in some tofu and red pepper. This is while I'm waiting for the water to boil.
I dumped the works on top of the finished perogyoza and finished it with a balsamic syrup.
What's balsamic syrup? Stay tuned to future blogs - it'll come up. I love that shit.
Anyhow, it turned out like this:


Yum.

Royal Tribute!

This post is my tribute to The Royal Wedding.

It's nothing.

Yup, nothing.

Suck it, princess.

Friday 29 April 2011

Soup du Jour: Moroccan Maple-Roasted Butternut Squash (vegan)

I fucking love soup; soup kicks ass.
Tonight I'm making, well, you read the fucking title didn't you.
That's what I'm making.

"Moroccan maple-roasted? Are there a lot of maple trees in Morocco?"

It's fusion, fucknut, and it's fucking delicious.

Here's what you'll need:


1 good sized butt squish (for the daft, that's a butternut squash)
4 tbsp maple syrup - splurge for the good stuff. You can substitute shitty pancake syrup if you want, but it'll fucking suck. That shit is just empty garbage calories with no flavour.
1 bulb celeriac, diced - also called celery root. Although not from the same plant where we get our everyday celery, it is a relative and has a distinct celery flavour. Celeriac is grossly underutilized, I think mostly because it's ugly. But like so many things, it is beautiful on the inside (no, ugly girls, I don't mean you).


1 medium onion, diced - I like to use red onion for nearly everything; I very seldom buy anything else. The only regular exception being Walla Walla Sweets, but they're only around in the summer - at least in these parts. 
1/2 head of garlic, minced - more or less to suit your tastes. I love garlic and think garlic breath is sexy.
3/4 cup red lentils - these will disappear in the soup and are mostly in this recipe as a thickener and nutritional additive.
3/4 cup puy lentils - if you can't find these beautiful French lentils you can substitute regular green lentils, but I wouldn't bother. Just leave them out; the soup will still be rad.
6 ripe plum tomatoes - I'm using canned San Marzano; ripe local tomatoes simply don't exist in Vancouver in March.
1 can (400ml) coconut milk
Fresh coriander or parsley for garnishing
1 lemon - get an organic one as we'll be using the zest. Using the zest on conventional lemons is tantamount to taking a shot of Roundup (citation missing).
8 cups veg stock - the pre-packaged shit is way overpriced; make your own - it's as cheap as it is easy. Wanna know how? Here's how:
Start by keeping your vegetable scraps in the freezer. If you don't use enough vegetables to make a pot of stock every week you are likely not eating enough vegetables. The fun thing about doing it this way is that your stock is little bit different each time. If you need an emergency stock and don't have any veg go to the store and buy a couple of onions, a handful of carrots, some celery and a tomato or two. Rough chop 'em and throw 'em in a large pot. Add a teaspoon of whole coriander seed, a couple of bay leaves, a few black peppercorns, and a sprig of thyme - or rosemary if you like. Cover the works with water until the vegetables are just more than covered. Crank up the stove. Bring it to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Let it sit on the stove and simmer until reduced by about 1/8 to 1/4 depending on how rich you want your stock, about an hour. Strain off the veg and discard.

Marvel at your new found independence.



Now the spices, and this is a well-spiced soup.

Ras el Hanout literally means "head of the shop" in some language I don't know - generally the favourite spice blend of the proprietor. Like most spice blends, there are as many variations as there are chefs. Here's what you'll ned to make it my way. Substitute spices as fits your preference.

1/2 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tbsp coriander seed
1/2 tbsp cumin seed
1 whole star anise
2 inch stick of cinnamon bark
1/2 dozen cloves
1/2 dozen allspice berries
1/2 tsp cayenne - I use ground, but one whole dry or fresh chili will work as well
1/2 teaspoon sichuan pepper - normally this is a Chinese spice, but I just bought some for the first time and I really like them, so I'm putting them in fucking everything.
1/2 tsp nutmeg (half a nut if you're using whole, and you should be)
1 teaspoon turmeric - ground turmeric is mostly flavourless, and fresh turmeric is incredibly messy to work with. So why turmeric, then? It makes for nice colour and it has great health benefits - it's the reason that canned chicken soup helps people feel better. I mean, it has to be; that high-sodium, random chicken part, soggy noodle garbage can't possibly be healthy.


Take the woody spices and throw them in a medium hot, dry cast iron pan in order of descending woodiness:
cinnamon, anise, cloves, coriander, cumin, allspice. Don't toast the ground spices - you'll just  burn 'em.
Let the spices toast until you can smell 'em - about 3 minutes. Dump 'em into your mortar and let 'em cool. Still don't have a mortar and pestle? C'mon now. They are pretty cheap and pretty useful.
Add the other spices and smash that shit.

The whole time you're busy with that you should have had your squish in the oven.
You didn't?
What the fuck?
You've got some catching up to do.

Preheat the oven to 350F.
Split your buttsquish in half lengthwise. Scrape out the guts. You may notice that the seeds are similar to pumpkin seeds; they are indeed. You can roast them up just the same and they're fucking great.
Brush with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Dump a couple of tablespoons of maple syrup into each of the buttsquish cavities.

Note the uneven cut. It doesn't fucking matter - it'll be mush when it's done anyhow.


 
Oil up a sheet pan and get ready for the fun part. The goal here is to flip your buttsquishies onto the pan, seasoned side down, without letting any of the syrup out. It makes no difference to the cooking process, it's just fun. Stick your squish in the oven and roast for about an hour.
When it's done, the skin will be wrinkly and it'll squish when you poke it (that's what she said).
Check out my wrinkly butt.

Flip 'em over and scrape up the innards. Set the whole mess aside; you'll be adding it to the soup later.


Warm your veg stock on the stove, and heat a large pot (9-10L or larger) to medium.

When it's hot, add enough vegetable oil to just cover the bottom of the pot - a few tablespoons. Let the oil heat for a minute and then throw in the onion and celeriac. Season with salt and pepper and cook until the onions are softened, stirring occasionally, but not all the fucking time - you gotta let that shit cook. The onion will brown, the celeriac not so much. The celeriac will also still be firm, but don't fret, it'll soften up nicely when you add liquid later on.

Now that the onions are soft, throw in the garlic and Ras el Hanout. Let the spices cook for a couple minutes - until you can really smell them - and then it's tomato time. If you're using canned tomatoes, like me, they are already skinned and you can just throw them in (no need to chop 'em as the whole mess will get blended at the end). If it's summertime and you're using fresh tomatoes, here's a little trick to get the skin off:

Cut the stem end off your tomatoes and slice an X into the other side. Put them in a bowl and cover them with boiling water. Let them sit for a minute and then remove them from the hot bath. The skins will peel right off.
Sexy, no?

Back to the soup.

Stir in your tomatoes and let them cook for a few minutes. You can use this time to mash them up with your spatula if you like, or you can get your lentils ready.

Stir in the lentils.


Add the stock.
All of it.

Bring it to a boil and then lower to a simmer. Let it cook for 20 minutes and then add your squishy butt and coconut milk.
Cook for another 10 minutes or so - still at a simmer.

It's blending time.
My partner and I are at ideological odds when it comes to this. She likes to have individual components to her soup; I sometimes do as well, but mostly I puree the shit out of all my soups. That being said, she always eats my soup, but encourages me to leave some identifiable pieces of food in the next one.
Grab your immersion blender already and get to blending.


Don't have an immersion blender? 
A regular blender will work, but make sure to blend in small batches, never filling the jug.
You're blending hot liquid; it tends to expand when you blend it. So, only fill the jug half way or so, and take out the little cap in the middle of the lid and cover it with a kitchen towel that you don't mind getting dirty.


Now that you've got your soup, taste it.
Good?
Needs salt?

Add salt then.
 Remember, adding salt only makes things salty if you use too much. Mostly, adding salt enhances and brings together the other flavours.
Squeeze in your lemon, using the zest if you bought organic - there's a lot more citrus yumminess in the zest than in the juice.
Here's a handy tip for getting the most juice out of your citrus: roll it on the counter before you cut it open - and use good pressure. Also, zesting seems to loosen things up as well.



Taste that shit again.

Good?

Good.

Garnish.
I normally use cilantro in this soup, but I didn't have any. I used parsley instead - Italian flat leaf.
Parsley has a subtle flavour but mostly serves to liven up the presentation whereas cilantro actually adds nice complementary flavour.
Now you're garnished.

My garnish is sloppy as fuck; yours needn't be.

How's that shit look?
Good?
Good.

Eat it.