Scallops with Orange Sauce and Couscous. Roast Onion with Asian Veg.

Scallops are fucking magic.

Period.

I love those little bivalves.

I often see losers fucking them up for Gordon Ramsey and it makes me sad. Not for the losers, but for the scallops. Those shows make them look nearly impossible to cook, but they're actually easy as fuck; maybe even easier than fuck.

Here's how:

Heat a pan. 

I use the setting just above the middle on my stove.

Put clarified butter in the hot pan. Not too much - just enough to coat the bottom of the pan, maybe a bit more.
Gently lay your scallops into the pan, one at a time.

Let them cook for about two minutes per side. Here’s the trick that I use to get ‘em right every time, as cook time varies based on the size of the scallop: I keep my fucking eye on the little fuckers. As soon as I see some brown around the edge on the first side, I turn them. They should have a nice, dark, golden brown colour to them. Then I cook them the same on the other side.
Fucking simple.
Another thing to watch for are colour and texture changes in the non-contact portion of the scallop. Scallops go from that raw fishy colour to an opaque white when they are cooked, and they have a slightly firm texture that springs back when you poke ‘em.

That’s it, they’re done.

Now let’s give ‘em some fucking friends to play with, shall we.

This is an orange harissa sauce that can actually be used as a marinade as well. I actually use it as a marinade every time I make it for fish, and then I reduce it down to a nice sauce after I remove the fish.

First, you’re gonna need to make a harissa. Don’t be afraid, it’s pretty fucking simple. You are going to need a pestle and mortar setup to make it properly. If you don’t have one yet, you really ought to get one; the difference between machine ground spices, pestos, and the like and hand pounded ones is immense. Machines create too much friction and evaporate flavour.

“What the fuck is harissa?!?”

Whoa, fucking chill, I’m getting to it.

Harissa is a North African chili paste. It is spicy radness, and a fancy new word you can prance around your dinner party and use to impress people who are easily impressed by new words.

The ingredients for harissa are pretty straight-forward, but vary between regions and chefs. Here’s how I do it:
You’ll need about a dozen dried red chilies, four cloves of garlic, 4 tablespoons or so of olive oil, 2 teaspoons of coriander seed, 1 teaspoon of cumin seed, about a half dozen allspice berries, and about ½ teaspoon each of fresh cracked black pepper and sea salt. DON’T USE SHITTY PROCESSED, PRE-GROUND BLACK PEPPER!

It’s shit.

Don’t use refined, iodized table salt. It sucks. Lacking iodine in your diet? Send me your address and I’ll mail you some dulse snacks (it’s seaweed, and no, I won’t actually mail you anything).

Chop your garlic and throw the whole works into your mortar. Well, actually, it’s easier if you smash up the dry stuff first and then add the other shit.
Smash the whole works together until you have a nice, relatively homogenous, paste.
You will not need all of it for this recipe.
I repeat, YOU WILL NOT NEED ALL OF IT FOR THIS RECIPE.
I won’t repeat it again.
You can just go back and read it again if you’re still confused.

You can use all of it if you want.
It’ll be really fucking spicy, that’s for sure. I used about a teaspoon.

Now for the rest of the sauce.

(Again, all measurements are vague approximations of the actual amounts employed)

1 cup of orange juice.
2 big tbsp miso paste, may as well make it 3

2 tbsp fresh grated ginger – don’t use the powder crap; it’s not the same.

1 tsp of that nice harissa you just made

1/8 cup sake

1 tbsp maple syrup – real maple syrup, not that bullshit pancake syrup garbage. Make sure it's pure maple syrup, too - not that maple flavoured crap.

Whisk all the ingredients – except the maple syrup and sake - together in a small saucepan; use a saucier if you’ve got one. Better yet, if you’ve got a saucier pan, send it to me – you don’t need it.

Bring it to a simmer and reduce for about 30 minutes, until slightly thickened. Strain it through a fine sieve.

Add your sake and return it to the heat, reducing for about 15 minutes – until the sauce is able to coat the back of a spoon.
Finally, add your maple and take it off the heat.

It’s ready for the scallops.

To do this properly, you’ll want to have your sauce done before you start your scallops. Scallops only take about five minutes to cook, so definitely do the sauce first.

I like to plate the sauce first, and serve the scallops on top.
You do it how you like.

So, continuing along with the ass backwards approach I’m taking to this recipe, here’s an idea for an accompaniment to your lovely scallops.

Couscous.

Couscous is the easiest side imaginable. It takes no time and no cooking is involved.
I do it like this:

1 cup couscous – the small North African variety, not the bulbous Israeli pasta

¼ preserved lemon

2 cloves garlic

2 tsp fresh ground coriander seed

½ dozen allspice berries

1 tsp fresh ground cumin seed
1 tsp each sea salt and fresh cracked black pepper
1/8 cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped

Grind your spices together in your mortar and throw the whole works in a bowl.

Just before you put your scallops on, bring a kettle to boil.
Pour 1 cup boiling water over your couscous and stir it together. Let it sit until you’re ready to serve.

Veg.

Roast onion:

1 medium red onion

Cut the ends off your onion. Toss some oil on it and put it in a 350C onion for 45 minutes.

Take it out.
Let it cool enough so you can handle it and remove the paper.
Poke out the middle rings and place the little “bowl” in the center of your plate. Put some couscous in it.
Nice, right?
Now put some veg on top

Carrot
Broccolini

Use as much as you think you wanna eat

1 tbsp fresh ground ginger

2 tbsp tamari

1 tsp sesame oil

Salt and pepper

Heat a pot that you have a lid for just below medium.
Throw everything in the pot and stir that shit.
Throw on a lid and turn off the heat.

Let ‘em sit for a minute, then take ‘em out and put ‘em on your couscous/onion business.
Plate your scallops beside all that shit.

Eat it.

You may have noticed that my onion lacks couscous as I
suggested in the above recipe.
By the time I got to plating I was fucking starving,
so I didn't bother. I served the couscous on the side in a heap.